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By Barry Feldman, special to
MyFolsom.com
One child jumps off the balance beam, limbs flailing this way and
that. Nadia Comaneci, she’s not. In any case, she hurls her arms
upward, proudly exclaims “ta-da,” and is 100% convinced she’s just
perfect. In another gym, another child is a completely different
story. The beam looks a mile high to her. The only thing she wants
to do less than to climb up on it is to jump down off it.
Why do the two children possess such different dispositions? Why
would the balance beam be so delightful for one child and daunting
to the other? Simple: one child is chock full of confidence and the
other is not.
There’s nothing a parent would like more than to give their child
confidence. Here are some ideas for delivering this gift.
Give ‘em a healthy heap of high fives.
Children thrive on positive feedback. Give it to them in large
doses. Assure them they’ve done something right and let them know
you’re proud. It’s much easier to inspire kids to take risks if they
believe they will be successful, so set them up to succeed and
shower them with praise after each little victory.
Teach in small steps.
Build skills progressively, patiently, in small steps. You learn how
to hold a tennis racquet before working on your strokes. Right?
You’re taught a simple chord or scale when you begin learning an
instrument. Remember this fundamental idea and avoid skipping steps,
which might increase the likelihood of failure. Again, confidence
building is about experiencing success.
Go the non-competitive route.
The competitive nature of, well, everything will inevitably catch up
with each child as he or she matures. While you still can, give your
child ample chances to not worry about the score. Non-competitive
activities are more effective for building a child’s confidence. So
instead of concentrating on who’s winning, emphasize the learning
experience. Help your child understand the task and applaud his or
her effort. Teach your children that rather than being better than
someone else, it’s more important to better yourself.
Watching a child’s self-image grow makes the job of a parent and
coach remarkably rewarding. So keep the praises lavish, the tasks
simple and sequential, and take a break from the competition if you
want to experience the joy that comes with nurturing a confident
kid.
Barry Feldman co-owns The Little Gym of Folsom (www.tlgfolsomca.com)
with is wife Cindy, where building kids’ confidence is in the job
description. Outside of the gym, he dedicates his energy to his
daughters, playing tennis, making music, and writing.
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